Ready for change

I am ready. Ready for some changes.

It has been a long time coming. But I really am ready now. I am ready to lose my weight once and for all. I am starting today.

I don't have a gym membership and I don't need one.

I have a treadmill and weights and some workout videos and a neighborhood to walk in. I have my own body which can do a lot without any equipment.

I haven't figured it all out yet but I have needed to make this decision for a long time. I don't have an exact plan but this weekend I am figuring it out. I have made a few little efforts here and there in the last year but nothing firm and nothing serious. It is time.

There are a few things that motivate me.

I don't want my son to grow up with a 'fat' mom. It's not that I just don't want him to see me fat. I also really want to be able to play with him and do the things he wants to do as he gets older. I don't care if that sounds cliche. I want to be able to keep up with him.

I don't like looking in the mirror. Ever. I want to like what I see at least most of the time.

I don't have any clothes that fit well except maternity clothes. I admit it.

I am not healthy and I have no energy. I want to feel alive and energetic!

I need to lose 60 pounds. I admit it. I think I would be considered a healthy weight if I lost about 40 but even that is sad to say that I have that much weight to lose.

I avoid pictures at all costs. I don't want a bunch of pictures of me at this weight floating around. How sad is that? I don't even want family pictures with my kid and husband because I am afraid of how terrible I will look! Horrible.

I need to take better care of myself because of my diabetes. I have to take it more seriously once and for all. I don't want to have long term problems because I'm not taking care of myself now.

It is time to feel good about myself and feel normal.

Once I figure out what I am doing I will write about it. I have a few ideas of what I am going to do but will decide that soon.

More to come.