Thursday, March 26, 2009

The deal with my blog......

All of the posts listed today were copied from my old blog with I decided to switch over to this website because I like the format better. The title of each of the posts is the original date I posted the blog. None of them are all that interesting but I wanted to have a record of what I had written, a little bit like a diary.

I never really kept up with that blog much but plan to more with this new one. Also, I hope I can figure out how to do the layout of the page and include pictures and other stuff.

Feb. 14, 2009

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It is so fun to be celebrating Valentine's Day with my husband of 4 1/2 years. We got engaged 5 years ago yesterday - and the year we got engaged was also Friday the 13th like this year! I can't believe we have been together that long! Now we have this amazing little boy in our lives and I can't believe how blessed we are. It is so strange to think about our lives now and where we have been. Todd got me a card, a mug with candy in it and also got me a card "from Xander". It was so sweet of him!

Anyway, Xander has been sleeping even longer now. He sleeps 8-9 hours a night pretty much every night now. We are so thankful that he has learned to sleep so good. He is such a cute little boy and is such a delight to have. He smiles pretty much every day now and coos back and forth with us too. It is so cute. He doesn't cry a whole lot and we are very thankful for that. Even though he is not quite three months old, we both agree that we already can't imagine life without him.

So this week, Todd made a pot roast, I made homemade pizza, chili and two batches of cookies. I am proud of myself because I don't normally cook at all! That might be a record for me. The other weird thing is that I have kept my kitchen so clean for the last two weeks or so - that it something I never have been good at. I am trying to be a better house wife since I am staying at home now. There are still other things I need to be better about cleaning but I think I am doing better than I used to! That's all for now!

Mar. 10, 2009

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I can't believe it has been almost a month since I have written! Not much has changed in our house since last month. Xander is still growing so fast! He is so fun to have and is almost 4 months. He hasn't been able to do much different than last month but I can't wait until he starts laughing and rolling over and other fun things. He is sleeping 10 hours a night now and we are so thankful! Last night he slept 11 hours and mommy hasn't felt this rested in a long time!

We are still waiting for Todd to get his own store. I hope it is soon because we are feeling poorer by the day since I chose to stay at home. It has taught us to pinch our pennies more than we ever have and that is probably a good thing.

I can't believe it is March already and I am ready for Spring. We have had some really nice days so I shouldn't complain. I want to take Xander for some walks outside when it is nicer.

We got Xander's 3 month pictures taken at JC Penney's and they turned out great! We just need to get some frames and put them up around our house. It is awesome to have some professional pictures for memories.

Better get going on the laundry!

Jan. 8, 2009

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So on Tuesday night, Xander slept for 7 hours! He went to bed about midnight and didn't wake up until 7! In fact, I had to wake him up to eat. I didn't fall asleep until about 1 but still, getting 6 hours of sleep was amazing! When I woke up at 7, I laid there and thought that I would let him sleep until he woke up but as I lay there, I got more and more paranoid so I decided to go check on him and ended up waking him up to feed him.

So last night, we weren't so lucky. Xander wouldn't go to sleep until about 2. I laid him down at about 12:45 but he cried quite a bit. Then he only slept until 4:30. I went into his room and gave him his pacifier and he went back to sleep and then got up with him at 7:15 to feed him. I went back to bed and he did too but after shorter amounts of sleep, I am super tired today. It was a rough night. But thinking about it, I wouldn't give up the rough nights for anything - I love my son so much and can't imagine life without him. I think about how blessed I am to have him and look forward to every day I get to spend with him. Sleep is just sleep.

Jan. 22, 2009

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I haven't written anything for a while! So here is what is new with me. Todd and I decided to start selling stuff on ebay because we could use the extra money now that I am staying home. We also could stand to unload some of our junk so I decided to go ahead and see what we could sell. So far so good! The first thing we decided to sell is a bunch of our old dvd's. We sold almost all of the ones we listed and now I just have to run to the post office tomorrow and ship them all out!

Xander has been sleeping 6-7 hours pretty much every night now and some nights sleeps close to eight hours in a row! We are loving it and feel so blessed that the little guy learned to sleep through the night at such an early age. He has been doing this since about 7 weeks and is 9 weeks tomorrow! Also, we are lucky because he is not a fussy baby and cries very little. Also, he doesn't spit up at all! That is a great one - I love to stay clean while caring for him. He is learning that he has saliva now and is playing with spit bubbles but that is mininal mess. :)

Xander also had his 2 month doctor visit yesterday and got his first shots. He did pretty good, though it was heartbreaking to hear him cry after those shots - I don't think he has ever cried that hard! :( But the doctor said he would either be fussy that day or he would sleep it off and he chose the latter, lucky for us! Then he went on to sleep about 8 hours last night! We are SO lucky! He weighed in at 12 lbs, 11 oz and is now 22 1/2 inches long. I thought he would still be in he 11 pound range but Todd was sure he was over 12 so he won that bet. I don't like seeing my baby in pain so that was not super fun but I know shots are necessary.

I am waiting around at home every day thinking Todd is going to call one of these days from work and let me know that he is getting his own store. I know it may not still be for a couple of months, but I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the chance that it could be soon. I have been saving newspapers accordingly for packing stuff when we move. It makes me really nervous to move, not because I don't want to sell our home or because I don't want to move far away, but because it is going to take so long to pack up all of the stuff we have accumulated since moving into our house! With a baby to care for, I swear it is going to take twice as long as it would normally. Also, moving means I have to do tons of deep cleaning so we can show the house and cleaning isn't my strong point! :)

We filled out our federal tax return info but haven't submitted it yet. So far we have an amazing return amount coming our way for federal and still have to work on state. I guess having a baby was worth it when it came to taxes. Haha!

I have recovered well from my c-section and started working out this week. I have worked out three times in four days and am pretty proud of myself so far! I plan on losing this baby weight and then some if it kills me! I haven't eaten great everyday but am working on that also. It is amazing how different my body is after having a baby and how much strength I lost after being on bed rest for a few months. I used to be pretty strong and plan on getting that way again through steady exercise. I am also adding weights into my routine to build back up my muscle cause that baby boy of mine is only going to get heavier and harder to carry around!!

I have recently become more obsessed with clipping coupons! I already had clipped them for the last couple of years but recently I am all about using coupons to save money! If I can get a great deal on an item, it makes me super excited. The other day I was able to buy an item that was $1.09 for $0.09 because I had a $1 off coupon. How great is that? I am going to keep trying to find ways to save money since I am staying home now.
Here are a few recent pictures of the love of our lives - little Xander!!

Jan. 3, 2009

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So, Nebraska won their football game on new year's day against Clemson. That was a great game to watch and a terrible game to watch. All I care about is that they won. For being a girl, I care quite a bit whether they win or lose!

I know there are a lot of people who have this issue, but I have this recurring dream. It is always the same thing over and over with slightly different details each time. I dream at least once a month that I am somewhere and need to leave and can't remember where I parked my car. It always makes me so mad because I can't ever find my car and the dream never resolves itself. I am always left hanging in my dream and sometimes I even wake up frustrated and don't always know why right away until I remember my dream. Most of the time it is my current car but I have even dreamt about my old car a few times. Most of the time it is in the parking lot of the church I went to growing up. Sometimes it is in the mall parking lot in Lincoln. No matter what, I feel so dumb because I can't remember where I parked my car after a few hours. I do sometimes have another recurring dream, but this one is not as often. This one is set in my high school. I graduated, but I always feel like I never did and have to go back at my age and take a few classes to be able to graduate. In that dream I am always late for class or don't make it to my classes at all or don't have my homework and in my mind I know that I won't be able to pass my classes and I won't graduate. That one frustrates me too because I feel like I should be in control and be able to pass some high school classes but I can't. I think that one frustrates me even more because I have already graduated high school.

So I am really excited that I have this adorable scrapbook kit that my sister in law gave me to scrapbook my son's first year of life. The only problem is, I am worried that I am not creative enough to be able to put it together. I ordered pictures and am waiting to get them to be able to start the scrapbook but I have put together some of the pages and just need to finish them. I am so excited about the scrapbook and have all the materials I need but again, am afraid it will either not turn out like I wanted or that I won't be inspired enough to do it at all. The concept of the album is so cute and I imagine it could turn out wonderful, but I guess I need to take it one page at a time so I don't get overwhelmed by it. Even though it is not a technical new year's resolution, I think that is on the top of my to do list this year. I want to be able to look back at the scrapbook and be thankful I documented as much as I did. I know I will appreciate it as my son gets older but I hope he will too.

I keep thinking that I didn't want to do new year's resolutions, but I do have a list of things I would like to be successful at or do more of this year. Here are a few of them. I want to exercise more, and therefore get thin again once and for all. I do know that is also going to require eating well also. I want to be more organized in my house. I want to feel like I know where everything is if I need to find it and also I want everything to have a place so that it can go there instead of just sitting around and cluttering up my house. This will be a challenge as we will end up moving sometime this year. But moving into a new place could be just what I need to get organized. As I unpack everything, I can group things and organize and finally feel like I have my life in order. I also want to scrapbook with the kit I have and take lots of pictures this year. I don't want my sons life to pass so fast and not have any pictures or memories to show for it. I want to keep in touch with family and friends more this year. I need to reach out more to older friends as well as current friends. I also would like to keep in touch with my sister and sister in law more. I want to also work extremely hard on our finances this year. I think being at home will give me more time to research ways to save money and will give me more time to plan my grocery shopping to save money. I want us to be able to save more and spend less. I want to find more ways to cut our monthly expenses. I know these days people think of so many things as needs when in reality they are wants. I hope to get everything into perspective and truly take control of our finances once and for all.

Jan. 1, 2009

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Happy New Year everyone! My only resolution this year will be to spend as much time as I can with my son. I figure that should be an easy one because I am staying at home with him everyday. I figure there is no point to making other resolutions because I never seem to keep them or I forget about them pretty quickly. I do want to lose some weight and do some other things this year, but I am not going to officially call them resolutions. Ok then, I am done. :)

Dec. 29, 2008

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So today is Monday and it is about 4 in the afternoon and I haven't gotten anything done today! It is so strange how much life changes when you have a baby. I didn't get to bed until about 1 last night because Xander was awake until then. He slept until about 6 this morning when I fed him again. I put him back down about 7 and he cried for about an hour (yes I checked on him). So I slept again from about 8-9:30 while he slept. I fed him again and laid him back down about 11. I was still tired to I decided to lay down too since the overall number of hours of sleep I am getting these days is significantly less than ever before. My point is, I didn't really get up for the day until after 1. But since I am going to bed so late, sleeping in so late isn't that weird. It is just so weird that my days are so messed up right now. I am hoping we can get into some regular routine soon and that I can move our bedtime back by a few hours. Right now he doesn't seem to think it's night until after midnight. I am just trying to make it through each day without going crazy. I feel lucky most days if I can get a shower in before 6 in the evening or even at all! Now that Christmas is over, there are no presents to wrap, no Christmas letters to get out and less stress overall, so I am hoping to get organized and get into a better schedule with Xander. Every time I look at the little guy, it makes me smile. He is so sweet when he sleeps and I just want to hug him all the time. But the thing that stinks is I can't hug him all the time because when I get done feeding him (which seems like all I do) I have to put him down to get other things done. It is frustrating sometimes - I wish I was rich and could hire someone to clean my house so I could spend all my free time holding my son! Anyway, I have a million things to do this week and I have a feeling I won't get most of them done, but all I can do is try! Here is another picture of my cute little son.

Dec. 30, 2008

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Ok ok, I stole the cheesy title from a movie. So here is my dilemma. My boss wants me to come back to work. I want to be a stay at home mom. I had my mind made up that I was going to be a stay at home mom long before I ever had a baby. It's not that my boss or a little money could make me change my mind, but I went to work today to visit everyone and bring Xander in. My boss gave me my review paperwork when I was there and since I have been off on maternity leave, I was given quite the raise. I thought I made good money before but when he showed me how much I would make if I came back to work, it surprised me quite a bit. So there you have it - my dilemma is love (my amazing son) or money (going back to work). I do feel like I have to choose between the two because if I go back to work, I will see so little of my little boy. If I stay at home with him, I get to spend all the time I want with him but I will not be making money. I don't think it is much of a dilemma since I still don't plan on going back to work at all regardless of how much money they offer me. But in general, if I didn't have a baby I would be very happy to make that amount of money at work. I am not a greedy person, that is why I won't choose the money over my son. I guess saving money by cutting coupons and shopping sales will just have to be the best I can do to contribute to the household finances from now on!

Dec. 28, 2008

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Christmas has never come so quick before. I know now that I have a child, life is going to fly by! Having Xander at the end of November made Christmas time go by so fast this year. I feel like I barely got to enjoy it, yet I enjoyed it so much because I got to spend every day with my son. I didn't put any lights up on the house or outside at all and I barely decorated the inside of the house either. I did put up one small Christmas tree in our family room, but in the past few years I have put up two trees in the house and a multitude of other decorations, but this year the house was pretty bare. I didn't mind though because right now I have a bigger priority. Christmas Eve was spent at my parents' house with all of my side of the family. We ate, then went to Christmas Eve service at church and then came home, opened gifts then relaxed for a while. On Christmas day we went over to Amy and Andy's house where all of Todd's side of the family was there. We ate lunch and then opened gifts and also relaxed before heading back to Omaha. I enjoyed the time with family so much and having a son makes me appreciate family even more. I now appreciate my mom for having raised me and surviving! Being a mom is harder than I thought it would be but it is awesome too.

I can't wait until Xander is a little older and he can open presents and get excited about them. At my parents' house this year, Avery was the only one who was close to understanding the concept of presents and getting to open them. My sister decided to buy santa hats for all of the cousins and we took some pictures of them which I am adding at the end of this post. I know with kids, the memories of Christmas will be more fun than ever! I know how much I enjoyed Christmas as a kid and I hope I can make it as fun for my kids as it was for me.

Dec. 28, 2008

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Stealing an idea from my sister-in-law Amy, I decided to make a list of 30 things that I would like to do by the time I am 30. I am actually going to make the list now and try to start doing them as soon as possible. If I get them all done in six months or a year, great! If it takes me until I am 30, oh well! I just want to make a list of things that I have always wanted to do but never got around to or things that I was always afraid of trying. Since this is my list, I reserve the right to change the list by removing one thing and adding another. I will always have 30 things, but may change a thing or two if I decide it is something I really don't want to do or can't physically or financially do. So, here goes!
1. Get a tattoo - probably of my son's name or initials.
2. Lose 30 pounds. This is from my pre-pregnancy weight so this one will be extra hard right now. I need to lose the rest of the baby weight first. This could take a while. :(
3. Scrapbook my son's first year of life. This one should be easy thanks to Amy. I have the kit to do the scrapbook, I just need to start working on it and make sure to finish it.
4. Go on a hiking trip - not sure where or how yet, but something that would be a decent hike. Something that takes a few hours and makes me super tired and sweaty. Even if it is somewhere around here, I just want to feel proud of myself after hiking for a while and not quitting.
5. Get family pictures taken. This one should also be easy now that I have a son. I haven't posed for a "professional" picture since my senior pictures in high school and would like to have a family picture done with Todd, me and Xander.
6. Start playing piano again. I took lessons for ten years and haven't played in almost that long. I will never forget how but always wanted to get back into it. I don't currently own a piano so this could be a challenge, but I could someday get a piano or a keyboard.
7. Start swimming again. Another thing I used to do and haven't done in quite a while. This was my high school sport and I wish I could do this as a regular form of exercise but I don't currently have access to a pool. This may never happen, but it would be enjoyable to swim two or three times a week as a workout.
8. Do another scrapbook of some sort besides Xander's baby scrapbook. I have always wanted to tap into my creative side, but never felt like I had time to do so. Being a stay-at-home mom now takes away the time excuse.
9. Visit two states that I haven't been to yet. I only visited California for the first time when I was 24 and would love to visit some other states since I haven't traveled a lot in my life.
10. Be able to run 3 miles without stopping. I have never been a runner and this goal goes along with the losing weight one. I have been in great shape before, but was never good at running. I have always wanted to run for a while without having to stop.
Ok, that is 10. I think I am going to stop with those for now and come up with the other 20 later. I want to think about these and make sure they are all things I really want to do. I will post the other 20 at a later time and when I do, I will copy these original 10 and then add on from there so my list is all together. After reviewing the first ten, I noticed that some of them are "goals" or "resolution" type ideas, but I don't really care what they look like to the outsider, I just want them all to be things I really want to do and feel passionate about.

Dec. 27, 2008

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So I had this thought that I would start a blog back in 2007 (as you can see from my archive dates) and log on and write at least once a week. I always thought it would be a great way to get all the chatter out of my head and journal events in my life. I haven't done a very good job up to this point but because I am now a stay at home mom, I am going to make an effort to do better and try to log on and write a couple of times a week.

Since the last time I wrote, I had my baby boy. Xander Douglas Vest was born on November 21st at 8:15 a.m. He weighed 9 pounds 9 ounces (big boy - but we knew he would be) and was 19 3/4 inches long. He was born by c-section because he got so big. The doctor did an amniocentesis on Thursday the 20th to check the maturity of his lungs to determine whether they would do a c-section the next day. His lungs were in good shape so we went to the hospital the next day at 5:45 a.m. They had to do an IV before I went in for the surgery and it took them 6 tries before they got it! The first two hurt so bad that I cried and the next four didn't hurt as bad. After they finally got the IV going, we had to wait a little bit because there was an emergency c-section happening before mine. Once we were in the operating room, they gave me the spinal which didn't hurt at all. I was really nervous that it would hurt really bad but I didn't feel anything. Once they got me on the operating table, Xander was out in about 15 minutes. It was so quick! They showed him to me really quick and then cleaned him up, weighed him and took him to the nursery. Todd went with them so I was a little lonely for a little while. When they were stitching me up, they kept pushing on my stomach and it made me sick. Once I was done there, they moved me to a recovery room and asked me a bunch of questions and the nurse kept checking my uterus. After a short time, I was in a lot of pain. Because of how much I could feel the contractions, they gave me a bunch of pain medicine so by the time I got to my room, I was a little woozy from all the drugs. But once I got to my room, I finally got to hold my son for the first time! Again, I was really drugged but it was awesome! I got to see Todd again too - it had been almost an hour and a half since I had seen either of them. I wanted to feed Xander, but I was still in a lot of pain, so they wouldn't let me until I was more comfortable. It was probably about 5 or 6 hours after he was born until I got to feed him. The next few hours were a blur. We had my parents and Todd's parents come visit and we also got moved to a bigger room which ended up being the room we were in for the next 3 days. The whole thing was such a surreal experience!

Having a c-section was more painful than I thought it would be when it came to the recovery. It really only hurt for about the first week, mostly the first 4-5 days. After that, I could walk normal and do normal things without being in much pain, if any. I did take pain pills for the first week and a half and was afraid when I went off them that I would be in a lot of pain, but I was surprised how quickly the pain went away. I didn't mind overall having a c-section though and was willing to do whatever it took to get my little boy here safely.

Yesterday, Xander was 5 weeks old already! I can't believe he is here and that he is healthy! He actually had jaundice pretty bad when he was first born and ended up back in the hospital for a day the day after we got home. He had to be under special lights to help get rid of his jaundice. He has been healthy since then but as of today, I seem to be coming down with a cold, so hopefully Xander doesn't get it from me! Being a stay at home mom is great so far. I think it will get even better because right now, Xander doesn't sleep all that well some nights. I am looking forward to when he sleeps through the night for good. Right now he goes back and forth between sleeping well and sleeping terribly. He had one night already that he slept almost 7 hours without a feeding. Last night he slept from about 2-8 a.m. Even though we got to bed late (he was awake and crying for a while before that) it was nice to get the 6 hours in a row of uninterrupted sleep. Most nights he only sleeps 4 hours in a row and most nights we get to bed later than I would like. I think once I get better sleep, being a stay at home mom will be so much fun. I really want to be able to cook and clean and organize our house. Even though I am perpetually sleep deprived right now, it is so fun to have this adorable little boy with me all day and I think he is so cute and sweet. I know that this baby phase will go so fast so I am trying to enjoy the little moments with him while they last. He is so tiny and it is going to be fun to see him grow bigger! I love him so much already and can't imagine life without him! Todd and I feel so lucky and blessed to have Xander as part of our family and look forward to each and every day with him!

Sep. 29, 2008

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Having a baby is more dramatic than I thought it would be and I am not trying to make it that way. I have gone out of my way to not be whiny or a baby about having a baby! I have a list I need to get off of my chest of terms, conditions and issues related to pregnancy that have been going in and out of my head partly due to what I have read and partly due to what the doctor's have said to me. So here they go- I will list them and then talk about them.
Shoulder dystocia
Pre term labor
Large baby
Fetal Fibronectin
Child birth classes
These are just a few of the things I have had to think or worry about since I have been pregnant. I know every pregnant woman worries, but the thing that bothers me is, I have to worry about all of these issues because I am diabetic. Maybe not because I am diabetic but I have a higher chance of having more issues. My baby could be so big that I end up having to have a c-section. Also that is where shoulder dystocia comes in - if he gets too big, his shoulders may not be able to fit through my pelvis. Also, he could have any other number of problems because I am diabetic. He is more likely to have jaundice and also, his blood sugar could be low when he is first born and that will have to be monitored closely. If he gets too big while I am pregnant, he also has a higher chance of being overweight when he gets older. Also, he could have more problems breathing. Diabetes can cause premature aging of the placenta which can cause you to deliver early but the thing is, I may have to have him early anyway, so that may not be an issue. If they have to induce labor, I am worried about that too because if my body doesn't respond, then I am more likely to have to have a c-section. Also, regardless of whether I am induced or not, I have a feeling my labor will be really long.
I had some contractions a week ago and went to the hospital so they could do some tests on me. I was having them even after they hooked me up to an IV (they weren't caused by being dehydrated) and giving me a shot of something that was a muscle relaxer. They were going to keep me overnight at the hospital but ended up letting me go home and told me to be on bed rest the whole weekend. I went to the doctor the following Monday and they hooked me up to a machine to test for more contractions then they did the fetal fibronectin test. They said if it comes back negative then I probably won't go into labor in the next two weeks. If it came back positive then it is harder to say what would happen. Either way it came back negative so I won't be going into labor soon more than likely. Anyway, if I have more complications, I may end up on bed rest. In a way that would be nice because my job has been really stressful lately and I worry that being stressed at work is going to make the last several weeks of pregnancy harder on my body.
They told me a couple of months ago that my blood tests showed I was anemic so they told me to start taking iron pills. I know being anemic makes me more tired also. Earlier in my pregnancy they did say I had protein in my urine and also I had a few episodes of high blood pressure so they were really worried about pre-eclampsia. Since then I haven't had any issues so I am not as worried about that now but they are still keeping a close eye on me. Instead of going to the doctor once a month, I have been going every two weeks for the last two months. Most women start seeing the doctor once a week at 36 weeks but I will start having to see the doctor every week at 32 weeks. So I have an appointment this week and will have one in two weeks and then will start having them every week. The doctor's appointments I have had are starting to get overwhelming. I have to go the OBGYN every two weeks, my diabetes doctor about once every 5-6 weeks and also the Perinatologist once every 6 weeks. I swear I have been to the doctor about 40 times already! I have had 6 ultrasounds and will probably have 8 or 9 by the time my baby is born. I have done more urine samples and blood tests than I can count! It is all so much. I am just ready for it to be over and have my little boy here!
I know the struggle will all be worth it and hopefully it will be here before I know it! I know it will be and then we will have this little boy for the rest of our lives! I know being a parent will be the most exciting thing I have ever done! I can't wait.

Sep. 26, 2008

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I find this very interesting, especially with how liberal all the media is.

Aug. 8, 2008

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I am having a baby! I found out I was pregnant in April and my due date is December 12th. We found out in July that we are having a boy! I am very excited! I knew Todd wanted a boy first and therefore I wanted a boy first too! Everything is going well so far. It is crazy because I am already 5 months! We weren't really trying to get pregnant when I found out but we were super excited! I feel like in my life there are babies everywhere! My sister had a baby last August and just found out she is pregnant again! My sister in law had a baby in April and my best friend is having hers this month! When it rains, it pours!

I am a little nervous about labor and delivery and just how I will be with a baby in general , but I don't doubt my ability to be a good mom. I know everything will take getting used to at first, but I just know I will love it!

Jan. 19, 2008

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How important is money in life? Is it everything? Is it not important at all? I struggle with that all of the time. Most people, myself included, would say it is nice to have money and to not have to worry about not having enough. But it seems like some people have become so obsessed with money that they will do just about anything to have more. The perfect example of this for me is mothers who work. All I have ever wanted is to have kids and be a stay at home mom. Granted, I don't have children yet, so that is not something I am currently doing. It is, however, my ultimate goal. I realize the importance of being a stay-at-home mom after growing up with my mom always at home and seeing how other kids turned out who did not have a mom that stayed at home with them. I don't feel like working to make more money will make me happier.....especially at the expense of my future child or children. I am willing to live my life down a notch from where I am now. It is nice to have two newer cars and a decent sized house and to be able to afford nice things. But material possessions are not enough to make me work after I have children. I am ok with having last years clothes or a car that is more than 2 years old! I just don't get it.

I am not saying that if something were to happen to my husband or our finances that I wouldn't get a part time job to help out. I am simply saying I don't feel money is worth the sacrifice you make of not having that special family time, of bonding with your children as they grow. I do not want a day care to raise my children. I realize it is a big responsibility to raise my children the "right" way, but any sacrifice will be worth it.

I suppose what brings this all up is the fact that I have been working a large amount of over-time at my job. Sure, the paycheck is nice, but I always wonder if giving up my free time is worth it. I have been working so much out of necessity to perform my job well, not the motivation of a larger paycheck. I guess just stepping back and thinking about my life and my current job makes me wonder if the extra money will be hard to give up. I'd like to say it won't, but only time will tell.

The other struggle I have with the work/money situation is that I just got promoted. I applied for a job recently and was offered it along with a decent raise. I come to work everyday on time, ready to work hard. I learn fast, don't waste time and have obviously excelled at my job. I have been promoted twice in the last year. I don't want to mislead my employer by letting them think I plan to work for this company indefinitely. I will quit when my husband is promoted and we move or when I get pregnant. That is a struggle for me. I feel like maybe I am taking a good job away from someone else who does plan on having a long career with this company. At the same time, I work hard and am glad I was able to move up in the company. But again, it makes me realize I can't rely too much on my income as we won't have it forever. I am a lucky person because I really enjoy my job and the company I work for is great. I suppose for now, I will just keep doing what I am doing and be happy with my life as it is.

Dec. 8, 2007 Part II


Some people might call me a dog lover. I have three dogs. I have a male chihuahua named Nikko, a male malti-poo named Charlie and a female Siberian Husky named Akira. I suppose if it was legal, I would own at least ten dogs. Too bad the city of Omaha requires a kennel license if you have more than three dogs. :(

I grew up in a house where we had no pets. My dad grew up on a farm and believes that animals belong on farms, not in houses in the city. That being said, I am surprised by how much I love dogs. Never having had a dog growing up, I actually learned to love dogs pretty quick. I was always scared of bigger dogs when I was younger and maybe that is the reason I got a small dog first. Actually, my husband got the dog the summer we were engaged and it lived with just him at first until we got married and I moved in with him. I was so afraid that Nikko would only like Todd and he would never love me as much. I guess I learned that if you love your dog, they will love you back. Sometimes when you don't love your dog so much, they still love you back! It is crazy how dogs work.

I think we could all take a lesson or two from dogs. Five minutes after I yell at one of them for having done something naughty, they will come up and lick my face. They never hold a grudge, don't judge anyone and are always happy! It amazes me how their tails can constantly be wagging! I equate this to a human smile. I can't imagine smiling all of the time. I think my cheeks would hurt. Please understand, this is coming from a person who smiles quite a bit! I have always felt that dogs are so simple and so happy. All they require is food, water, a place to sleep (which could be about anywhere) and the occasional belly rub and they are as happy as can be! That amazes me! While I know dogs do not have a reasoning mind, I feel like I need to be more like my dogs.

Dec. 8, 2007

Copied older post:

This is really weird. I don't think anyone I know will ever read this and maybe that is a good thing. I feel like I am in junior high and am writing in a "diary". How silly!

I often find myself needing an outlet - someone or something to take my mind off the stress of everyday life. Maybe this is just what I need. I am the kind of person that never has a moment where my mind is not racing. I have always talked a lot. It seems I almost always have something to say.

My brother recently told me he thinks that I am unintelligent because I talk a lot. It is funny how someone can look at you, interact with you and judge you, when in reality they know very little about you. Granted, he is my brother but we have never been close. Suddenly, he started dating a girl who works in the same field as I do and he no longer thinks I am dumb. His girlfriend and I are both registered reps with the SEC (a stock broker, if you will) and both passed the "smart kid" test. He decided that the girl he is dating is certainly not dumb, therefore, I must not be either. This makes no sense to me! I was the exact same before he met her as I am now.

I am a person who is very logical. I am not a person who belives too much in gray areas. I think things are black and white, right or wrong and up or down. I don't like when things aren't reasonable and don't make sense. I suppose most people would say they agree with that statement. The difference is, when things don't make sense to me, I get extremely upset. Most people would let it go, but I get frustrated when things that should be very simple, become very complicated. I don't suppose I have much more to say. At least not for tonight.