Anything and Everything!

My life has felt a little nuts lately! I am so busy, I haven't been getting enough sleep, I have been working out a lot, I was studying a lot for tests for work, my husband and kiddo were both sick and I got a little bit sick also and our house is a perpetual mess. Ahhhh! I just feel stressed out and not sure what to do or where to start. While I ponder what to start with, here is the latest in my life.

We are a little relieved because our next door neighbors have moved out. It was a lot of drama all of the time. There were two ambulances there within the last few months and a cop car there once a month for the last several months. The guy was an alcoholic, in and out of rehab, fired from his job and his wife was lazy, refused to get a job, is on welfare, they didn't pay their rent, they aired their drama out on facebook all of the time like 16 years old and they were 40. They finally got kicked out of the house (with police involvement - what fun) and now they are gone. We are pretty happy with that as we just want to live in a normal neighborhood with normal people.

As I mentioned in my last post, I took my series 66 test on Monday and passed. I was sure I was going to fail because I put off studying until the last week and I didn't even get all of the way through the practice tests. I can't believe I passed! This test was actually easier than the last one I took and there was a lot less material to cover but I was a lot less prepared also which is why I feel lucky I passed. Anyway, I took two tests in a row and have been studying one thing or another for the last three months so I am taking a break now. I don't think I will take a test again for at least a few months or most of the summer.

I got to see my sister yesterday who lives in Arkansas. She was in Lincoln with her two kids and her mother in law. It was awesome to see them and we get to see them again in less than three months at my brothers wedding! I love family!

We cancelled our cable last summer to save money and since then we got Netflix so we could still some movies and tv on dvd. Todd just figured out how to stream Netflix through our Wii and now we have been watching a ton of different things through the Wii. We have gotten into the series Weeds and we really like it. I have been being dumb and watching the Hills. We have actually been watching too much tv if you ask me but we are slowly watching less and getting back to a normal amount.

I'm actually more excited to pick out an outfit for Xander than for me for my brothers wedding. I think it will be fun to get him a little suit or a little shirt and tie. I think I am going to try to get outfits for me, Todd and Xander that are all somewhat matching. It will be fun to be a little coordinated family! I'm not going to pick out a dress for me until probably 2-3 weeks before the wedding since hopefully I will be losing weight up until the wedding. I hope that won't be waiting too long and I hope I'm not unable to find something if I wait that long. We shall see.

I just saw the lowest number on the scale a few days ago since before I was pregnant! That is the best feeling and makes me want to keep going and working hard at losing weight. I know I can do it! I just have to keep trying. I have about two and a half months until my brothers wedding and I am hoping to lose about 20 more pounds. If I do that, I will be feeling awesome I know (but I still want to lose about a total of 35-40 more pounds).

Those are a few things on my brain right now. I am sure I will be back to share some more soon!

Just a quick one

A few quick updates to my life.

I am studying for my 66 exam which I have to take next Monday and I am not even all the way through the book! I better cram the rest of this week and this weekend!

Which brings me to another point. Father's day is this weekend so if we do something, hopefully it won't be all day so I can study at some point.

Xander has pink eye so he stayed home from daycare today and Todd and I each worked a half day. He has a cough too. Poor little guy.

I didn't work out tonight since it technically was my day off. I just stretched a bit since my whole lower body is so sore that I am walking funny! It hurts! Back to it tomorrow!

I did a terrible thing - I went and bought a tanning package. I know it is so so so bad for you but I hate being so pale all summer since I have to work indoors and just want to feel a little good about myself. Shame, shame I know.

I am very seriously considering getting Invisalign for my teeth since I have wanted to have them fixed for years. I don't mind my smile but my teeth aren't great. They aren't awful either but not great. I am working up ways in my head to be able to afford it since it is not cheap. I would love to get it because it is basically clear on your teeth and my teeth aren't so messed up that I will need full braces I don't think. I bet I would have it for about a year and my teeth would be quite a bit better. I have always disliked my teeth so I am going to go for it for sure at some point....just a matter of when (and figuring out the money like I said).

Off to dreamland....it seems like I am getting less and less sleep these days and I am not sure if that will change anytime soon!

A little sad

I guess this is a little bit related to my last post. For some reason I have been a little sad lately, going along with the stress (or maybe it came after). I don't know why - things are going pretty darn well - I am down about 15 pounds in the last 2 months, we switched daycare and Xander seems to be doing well, my job is going really well and my workouts are going pretty well also. I am not sure what my deal is but I am just kinda feeling blue recently. It could be a mood swing in my cycle and that would make sense. It just seems worse than usual. Anyway, enough about my mood, here is what is going on with us right now.

Xander got his second haircut today! Maybe I am a bad mom but I didn't take any pictures this time. The whole thing wasn't great for many reasons - I didn't think he really needed a haircut yet anyway because I like his hair a little longer(but the salon auto rebooks you each time and you have to remember to cancel if you don't want the appointment), the time of the cut was stupid (why the heck did I book it right when he is normally taking a nap?), he cried almost the whole time and it was so hot and nasty in the salon. I think X cried because I had to wake him up from his nap to get to the salon on time and he was still tired. It's not like his nap was cut way short but a little short, especially because it seems like he might be sick. Oh yes, lucky us. It appears he might have pink eye! Super!! You take the kid to daycare for four days and he gets pink eye! Oh, and don't get me started on how I was giving him a bath today and noticed a pretty bad mark on his arm and I looked closer and it was a BITE MARK!!!! Oh, I was livid!!! From daycare. Gosh that makes me mad. He didn't seem to notice it or mind and I even lightly touched it. The skin is even scraped away on it. GRRRRRRRRR. Sorry, as a mommy, that just makes me want to slap the kid who did it. Anyway, also occurring with Xander, we had to have him start sleeping in his pack and play a little over a week ago because his crib was recalled (boo, especially because we had to take it apart and take it back to the store). I ordered a new one with the credit right away and we just got it this week and Todd put it together for him tonight so he switched back to a crib. Hopefully the switching won't throw him off too much, especially since he seems sick.

On a more fun note with Xander, he seems to be so talkative lately and we love it! He is starting to say more words more often now and he just loves to chat! It is so funny since pretty much everything he says is gibberish - but we still love it! He is also climbing on everything he can and he's starting to get better at walking down stairs when we hold his hand. He is just so much fun and still changing all of the time!

I have a timeline for myself to lose some weight and the goal is September 18th - my brother's wedding! I still have three months and that is a good thing because I am nowhere near where I want to be weight wise even though I have lost some. I started doing P90X and it's not going perfect, but pretty well. I started the workouts last Monday and did the first three in a row and did pretty good - I finished all of them even though I had to either reduce my reps a little or modify some of the moves. But I still worked out as hard as I could and did as much as I could and I finished. Come Thursday night, I couldn't get the freaking computer to turn on to play the dvd to work out. I tried calling Todd at work several times over the span of an hour but couldn't get ahold of him to have him help me figure it out. I guess the fuse blew and the trip switch is out in the garage (even though the rest of them are in the basement - and of course, I was looking for one in the basement). Needless to say it kept getting later and later and it was past 11 and I had to work the next day, so I skipped my workout. I was bummed but thought I would just miss one day and get right back to it. Come Friday night when I first thought I was going to work out, I was so tired from going to bed so late the night before that I knew my body just wouldn't do what I wanted it to do for a workout. So I skipped another day. Boo for me. Anyway, tonight I got back to it and I plan on continuing and not giving up. For a minute there, I thought I was already done but Todd encouraged me to keep going and I'm glad I did! I just got done with a workout and it was SO hard, but I feel great! I am going to try to keep it up!

As I also mentioned in my previous post, I have a test to take for work and it is a week from Monday and I am not ready at all! Guess I will have to cram tomorrow and all of next week and next weekend to pass. I really don't want to fail, especially since this test should be quite a bit easier than that last one I took and I passed that one on the first try! It's going to be hard working out and trying to study too. I have a bad feeling next week might not be so good with the workouts, but I am going to try to fit it all in! Once I am done with that test, I might take a break from the tests for a while (the next ones are my choice to take them now or not) and focus on my health and time with my family. I still have other tests I have to take at work also, but not like these major tests I have been taking.

We need a serious overhaul of our house. I mostly just mean the clutter. Everywhere. I need to just organize once and for all but I never seem to get around to it, or when I start, I don't keep at it long enough or a new huge pile of stuff appears a week after I got rid of another one. Does anyone else have this issue? Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who has such a messy house, but I know that isn't true.

Looking forward to a week from Monday when hopefully that test is done and I have a little less stress for a while. It will not be fun if I don't pass and have to take it again, so I am going to make sure that doesn't happen! :)

Stressed!

I am one of those people that stresses themselves out too easily. Anyone that knows me knows this is true. I feel really stressed right now and I have to keep taking deep breaths just to feel normal.

I am still feeling a lot of pressure at work even though we are kind of slow right now. I took one test for work (a big one) a month and a half ago but I have another test coming up in a week and a half. This one should be easier but the problem is, I put off studying until now so now I am going to have to cram. I totally know that is my own fault.

I am also stressing about some other tests I have to take for work. They aren't as big of a deal as the one mentioned above but still, they are hanging over my head and I just want to get them done.

I am stressed about money. I guess that is a constant. We need to buy this or fix that or go here or do this and it all seems to cost money! It is funny because now that I am back at work, I think I am more stressed about money than I was before! Weird.

I started a new workout plan (P90X) and though it is going well so far, I am getting stressed about it. Not really stressed but almost anxious. I am ready for results, though they won't come for a while. I am thinking about the future on this program - it is 90 days long and I am only on day 3. I keep wondering if I will be able to do it and if so, how well will I do and what will I look like after I'm done? I wonder what will be next for me as far as workouts go if I can complete it. I can do it over again (which I should) and hopefully get in even better shape. I have also started to think more about my health regarding this. Am I pushing myself too hard? How will this all work out as far as my diabetes is concerned and how can I eat the right things and give myself the right amount of insulin so my body recovers well and I get the most out of it? See? I think about way too many things.

I am stressing a little bit about a friendship and I won't go into it too much. I am starting to feel like the effort is all one sided and it's making me very sad and resentful.

I stress myself out easily with the future - what will happen, where will we end up, what will become of both of us? It's a lot to think about and most of it is fruitless. I just can think and think and think about a million different scenarios for so many things.

There's even more but I will quit for now as I am sure this is quite boring for people to read who aren't living it. I realize everyone has their own stress and most people probably handle it better than me! Hopefully the working out long term thing will help with stress.

Lots of randoms

Gosh I have been a bad blogger lately - not that very many people read it anyway and are holding their breath! :)

This last week has flown by and it's crazy to me that it is Saturday night. I have a million things to write about floating around in my head and I am hoping to get them all out and get a good night sleep tonight.

Xander had his first hair cut today! I can't believe it took 16 1/2 months, but we finally did it. I was a little nervous but it turned out great and out little guy looks handsome! I thought he might lose some of his curls when we cut it but he didn't. I think the top will actually curl up a little more because it is shorter now.



Getting his hair wet to cut.

He doesn't look too happy here.

All done! He looks like such a big boy!

He didn't squirm or fuss pretty much the whole time!

Got a chance to play with the sprayer bottle.

I also had a bad mom moment today - when I took Xander to get his hair cut today, we were walking back to daddy's office (I took him to Penney's salon and we saw daddy while we were there) and there was a door I had to hold open for him and I let it go a little too soon - WHACK! Right on his forehead the door hit him. He just made a little grunt and kept walking! I can't believe he didn't scream or even cry a little! It had to hurt because it left a decent sized red mark! Sorry baby!

Xander is a teething machine as I have previously stated. He has 12 teeth all the way in, the 13th is pretty much all the way through and I see the 14th! Overall he hasn't been too crabby but he has his moments.

I learned a lesson today regarding my frugal ways. I am pretty much a bargain shopper almost all of the time. I never buy anything full price and refuse to buy most things on a 'normal sale'. I pretty much have to have mega clearance or the lowest sale price to buy something when it comes to groceries and clothes and household items. So I was shopping at Sam's club (warehouse where you purchase items in bulk) and I got quite a few things to stock up. I was walking down one of the aisles and noticed the bulk shredded cheese. I looked at the price and at first glance though, 'I can get it cheaper at regular stores with a sale and/or coupons'. Uh, after re-calculating, I realized I was WRONG! What? I have learned a lot about couponing and bargain shopping in the last year and a half and realized that for about 95% of the things I buy, I can get it as cheap of cheaper at the regular stores with coupons and sales. Anyway, the 5 pound bag of cheddar cheese was $8.50 or somewhere right around there. I started thinking that was a terrible price until I realized the VERY cheapest I can get shredded cheese is $2/pound. Most normal bags of cheese are 8 ounces and the bottom dollar price you can get them is usually $1. So in order to get a pound of cheese, you have to get 2 bags. That is $2 then and for 5 pounds that would be $10! And that is pretty much the best price I have gotten cheese ever! I guess maybe once or twice I got 8 ounces for $0.50 but that is very rare and the coupons rarely line up with those mega sales so again, that is rare! Either way, I learned a lesson to double check some of the things that I thought were cheaper at the regular store. I did find out too that at least right now there milk is the cheapest in town if you don't mind buying generic.

And on yet another random note, I took a picture of the bush that is in our front yard. I like it but I hate it. It blooms once and the flowers literally last a week, fall off and don't return for a whole year. Ugh. I get to enjoy it for about 2 days and then not again for a year. Boooo. Who's idea was it to put that bush in our front yard? Not ours!

I am doing pretty good at growing my hair out for now. I have a hair appointment next week and am going to get some fresh color and just a tiny trim to keep my hair looking good but I don't want to lose any length. I am curious to see how long I can let it get.

No progress on the diet/exercise/lifestyle change yet. This week is the week though. I have already prepared myself mentally and now I bought a bunch of healthy food to eat this week so I will hopefully have a good start.

We are looking at getting a new car to replace the Jeep. The Jeep gets terrible gas mileage and the payment is more than the few cars we are looking at. Even if the insurance went up a little bit, we would still be saving a lot of money each month so this is looking like a win-win!

I am ready to have a garage sale! We have so much junk around the house that we could stand to get rid of.

Lastly, I will have to also post some pics from Easter last weekend. Maybe sometime this week!

Ready for change

I am ready. Ready for some changes.

It has been a long time coming. But I really am ready now. I am ready to lose my weight once and for all. I am starting today.

I don't have a gym membership and I don't need one.

I have a treadmill and weights and some workout videos and a neighborhood to walk in. I have my own body which can do a lot without any equipment.

I haven't figured it all out yet but I have needed to make this decision for a long time. I don't have an exact plan but this weekend I am figuring it out. I have made a few little efforts here and there in the last year but nothing firm and nothing serious. It is time.

There are a few things that motivate me.

I don't want my son to grow up with a 'fat' mom. It's not that I just don't want him to see me fat. I also really want to be able to play with him and do the things he wants to do as he gets older. I don't care if that sounds cliche. I want to be able to keep up with him.

I don't like looking in the mirror. Ever. I want to like what I see at least most of the time.

I don't have any clothes that fit well except maternity clothes. I admit it.

I am not healthy and I have no energy. I want to feel alive and energetic!

I need to lose 60 pounds. I admit it. I think I would be considered a healthy weight if I lost about 40 but even that is sad to say that I have that much weight to lose.

I avoid pictures at all costs. I don't want a bunch of pictures of me at this weight floating around. How sad is that? I don't even want family pictures with my kid and husband because I am afraid of how terrible I will look! Horrible.

I need to take better care of myself because of my diabetes. I have to take it more seriously once and for all. I don't want to have long term problems because I'm not taking care of myself now.

It is time to feel good about myself and feel normal.

Once I figure out what I am doing I will write about it. I have a few ideas of what I am going to do but will decide that soon.

More to come.

Soooo.....this is why I'm fat?!

Warning: This could be a very boring post if you don't care about my medical condition. I just wanted to write about this for my own sake and to let all of the thoughts out of my head regarding this.

So, last week, I went to the doctor - my Diabetes doctor. She said 'you're not taking as good of yourself as you could be'. I said 'no duh'. Just kidding. I said, 'I know, it's been hard'. She then proceeded to tell me that there may be this drug that I might be able to start taking once I get my blood sugar in better control and if I lose some weight.

She told me about this drug called Symlin. There have been studies done recently that showed that while insulin is the main hormone that type 1 diabetics are missing and need to replace, there is another hormone that is missing that can help with your diabetes also. It is called Amylin. Funny how this is the first time I have even heard about this hormone or this drug. Anyway, she said there is a newer drug on the market (FDA approved) called Smylin which is the hormone Amylin and it can help people maintain better blood sugar control as well as lose weight. Not only do I want to control my blood sugar better for better health but I want to lose weight also (duh).

I guess this hormone they call Amylin helps keep your blood sugar from spiking after meals as well as decreases glucagon secretion, decreases appetite, and delays gastric emptying. I have read enough about it now to know that most patients who use it who are overweight are able to lose weight because it makes you feel fuller sooner while eating and stay feeling fuller longer. For me this is huge because that is what I told my doctor - I always feel hungry. Even if I feel full for a short time with a meal - I always seem to be hungry an hour later! It is ridiculous! I am hoping if I can get on this drug it will help me. I am not expecting a miracle solution but I think it will help me slowly over time and long term. I hate always feeling hungry and I feel like such a pig sometimes but now I am realizing it's not really my fault - I don't just have a complete lack of control. Everyone else who is not diabetic has this huge advantage in that their body tells them much sooner when to stop eating and also that they are full much sooner than my body does. Sorry if anyone thinks this seems like a cop out, but I have gained so much weight since being diagnosed with diabetes 4 years ago and I have never been this heavy in my whole life. It does lead me to believe there is more to it. My doctor basically confirmed what I have been hoping all along - it is not all my fault that I am fat (or not all my fault).

I feel a little better having this knowledge, but I am also bummed that I never heard about this before and wasn't given the chance to use this sooner. I have had times where my blood sugar was in very good control (the best it ever was, was early in my pregnancy with X because I was so careful about it) but that didn't mean I was thin then.

I struggle with my weight and every day I wish it was easier for me to diet and to want to exercise. I think the diabetes and my constantly too high blood sugar make me tired and sluggish and that makes me not want to exercise and not having the correct hormones makes me feel hungry all of the time. I have always had an issue with my size - even when I was skinnier. It is funny how back when I was skinnier, I thought I was so fat. Crazy. I am not expecting a miracle but I am hoping this will make life a little easier for me. Once I am given the chance to go on the drug, I will hopefully have good results and lose some weight.

I hope this doesn't turn out to be a big disappointment but I will just have to wait and see!

Monthly check up

Alrighty, it's that time again. I am going to list my goals for the month and update my previous goals and note how I did with them. I don't think I did very well last month, but let's take a look.



1. Lose 8 pounds. Lofty I know but I really need to lose more and Todd and I both want to work on this more so if we do it together, we will be more likely to succeed. Ha! Yeah right. Not even close. I haven't been on the scale in a while but I know I haven't lost any. I am pretty sure I didn't gain any though so I guess that is good, right?

2. Find a job. Full time, part time, doesn't matter at this point. I just need one! Not yet, but I have interviewed a few places and have another interview this week, so I guess I am on the right track.

3. Organize the family room once and for all. It is always a mess and there are many things sitting around that I need to find a permanent home for. It won't always be perfectly clean because we have all of Xander's toys there but it could be a lot cleaner around the edges. Nope, didn't get this one done either, but I am actually working on it and it is better right now than it has been. Still need to work on this one.

4. Run 25 minutes in a row without stopping at least 5 times. I am in week 6 of couch to 5k and tomorrow I am supposed to do my first 25 minute run. After that, every workout is pretty much a minimum of 25 minutes of running (in a row with no stopping). I don't know how well I will do with this but I sure am going to try! I ended up giving up the running in favor of walking because I can walk a lot longer and walk every day instead of every other day and therefore burn more calories. It was a well intentioned plan, but hasn't panned out because I started out walking and then quit and haven't walked in over a week. Ack! I have to get back to it!

5. Order some stuff for Xander's birthday party. I think I am going to order napkins and a few other decorations. We are going to do a Curious George theme so I am going to get a few items from the collection of party supplies. I actually have ordered invitations, napkins, thank you notes and balloons! I will probably get some more stuff but it is a start!

6. Make a practice cake. I am going to try and make a very complicated cake for X's party and I need to buy some cake and frosting to make a practice cake. I am doing this so I can figure out what works and what doesn't so I don't mess it all up the day before his party. Not yet, but I did buy a few cake mixes and some frosting, so I am getting there. I am planning on doing it in the next few weeks for sure.

7. Scrapbook more. I am SOOOOO far behind right now on X's scrapbook - I am not even done with month 5 yet and he is in his 10th month right now! Yikes! I need to order pictures to catch up. I would like to be to month 8 by the end of this month. I did a little bit on this too, but not as much as I needed to. I have ordered pics recently so if I keep at it, I could get a lot done in a short amount of time.

8. Have a rough layout for our Christmas card. I want to make our own Christmas cards this year. We are going to get a family picture taken for X's 1 year pictures (some family and some of just him) and we are going to order enough of the 4.5x5 pictures so I can use them for a Christmas card. I have a few ideas for this already but I want to get a better idea. Nope, haven't even thought about this one really. I think since it is like 2 1/2 months until Christmas, I am going to start thinking about this a lot more now.


Ok, now for this months' goals!

1. Practice cake for X's birthday. That is a big priority this month.

2. Get a job. Also a big priority this month. I am closer to the goal, but not there yet.

3. Organize the family room. I got a start on it but need to finish it.

4. Lose some weight. I won't set an actual number since I haven't been doing so well with this. If I get a job, I told Todd one of the first things I am going to do is go back and join Weight Watchers again. I lost 12 pounds in just over a month back in June so I know it can be done!

5. Have plans for X's party finalized or close to it. I need to decide on the rest of the decorations and the menu for lunch.

6. Scrapbooking. This is something I still want to work on since I am so far behind.

7. Clean out my closet. This will be especially important if I get a job. I need to figure out what I have for work clothes and fall/winter clothes and make a list of what I really need. This list will also depend on if I end up losing weight too. Bleh.

8. Get Christmas lists together for me, Todd and Xander and start buying a few gifts for family so it doesn't all have to be bought at once. Also, work on an idea for our Christmas card.

I think that will do it for now! Wish me luck - I think I need it this month!

Once Upon A Time...

Once upon a time....

-I was skinny!

-I wore a size 4/6!

-I wasn't embarrassed of my size every time I walked out the door.

-I worked out 6 days a week.

-I did cardio for an hour at a time.

-I did a full weight workout after each cardio session.

-I wore fitted clothes when I went to the gym and looked pretty good in them.

-I had so many choices of what to wear since everything looked pretty good on me.

-I was skinny but still thought I was fat then - I had no idea.

-My sister told me while I was wearing a bikini that I had nothing to be embarrassed about (since I was insecure wearing it).

-I ate very carefully and didn't indulge very often.

-I actually was at a weight some people might have been jealous of.

-I was called 'hot' by more than one guy. I know I shouldn't have cared about this then and still shouldn't now, but it was flattering.



Gone are those days. But oh, how I wish they were back. There are many things about my life at the time that I wouldn't want back, but the skinny body is something I would take. All I want is to feel good about myself - there hasn't been one day in the last 2-3 years that I looked in the mirror and liked everything I saw. Every once in a while, I will think my hair looks ok or my outfit is ok, but never the whole package.

Anyway, it is up to me to change how I look - no one else can do it for me. I have been doing good off and on with eating right and exercising, but I haven't been consistent since about June. My goals are as follows:
Lose 10 lbs by my birthday, 20 by Xander's birthday and 30 by Christmas. I guess if I even get to half of the 30 by Christmas I will be happy but I want to get all the way there. If I am going to get there, I had better get going!

Executive decision made.

So today I made the decision to stop my couch to 5k workouts. No, I am not really quitting in the normal sense of the word. I have come to a few conclusions with following this whole plan and here is what I figured out:

- When I run, I get really sore and need to take the next day off from working out. This doesn't really fit with my plan to lose weight because I feel like I need to work out at least 5 days a week to really have it make enough difference to lose weight.
- I burn out a lot faster in my workouts if I run than if I walk. I know with most walking workouts, you would have to walk a lot longer to get the same benefits as running and also to burn as many calories. I like to do my walks at a really steep incline on the treadmill and also at a fast pace to burn a lot more calories than regular walking.
- I want to add in more weights to my workouts and I wanted to start doing some leg exercises but I always felt like my legs were so sore after my runs that I couldn't do the weights the next day. If I did a weight workout when my legs were already sore, I would be so sore the next day that I would probably be able to run about 2 minutes and then have to stop!

Based on the above findings, I decided to temporarily halt my running. I think I would be able to do this program so much better if I was about 30 pounds lighter and that is exactly what I intend to be - lighter and thinner than I am now. It will take a little while, but I know my body will have to work less hard to run when I am lighter and I really do feel like I would be able to run longer and faster then. So for now, I am giving up the running in favor of walking and more frequent workouts, including weights. I hope this doesn't sound crazy. In some ways, I feel like a failure but I am proud of myself that I got through 6 out of 9 weeks of the program. I want to lose weight and in a way I feel like this program is holding me back. Todd and I have talked about changing our habits including diet and exercise and we are starting to make changes. By Christmas, my goal is be down 25-30 pounds from where I am now. I know I can do it!

4/5 success 1/5 failure.....sorta

- My workout today was ok, not great, not terrible. I was supposed to do 25 minutes of running without stopping. As the title of my post suggests, I was able to 20 of the 25 and then I just had to stop. I ran for 20, walked for 2 then decided to do a couple of sprints. I ran at a much faster speed than normal for 1 minute, walked for 1 minute, ran for 45 seconds, walked for 1 minute and 15 seconds then ran again for 1 minute and 15 seconds then I did a cool down. I feel good that I ran 20 minutes, but bad that I couldn't do all 25. Hopefully I will get there someday!

- Xander's third tooth is just about to come in and the funny thing is, it is the other top tooth, not the other bottom tooth! I have a feeling this kid is always going to do things different than other kids. His first tooth was the top one! His second was on the bottom and now the third will be on the top! Silly boy!

- We got Xander's pictures taken on Wednesday night and I think they are going to turn out great! He looks so much different than the 3 and 6 month pictures (of course) but it still amazes me how fast he is changing. This first year of his life is going way too fast!

- Yesterday, I woke up earlier than normal and had this strange urge to start cleaning. I put away all the laundry in our room, cleaned the clothes up off the floor and the dresser in our room, did dishes, cleaned up Xander's room and a few other things. I am not sure why but somehow I lost my motivation midway through the day and haven't done much since. I mean I ran today and gave X a bath, but there really are some other cleaning things I need to get done. I guess there is always something to be done. Bleh.

- I have been applying for more jobs again so I am starting to think about what it would be like to go back to work. I am just so unsure what to expect when it comes to daycare! I don't know what a good price is, if they should charge by day or hour or week and if it matters where in town it is. Do you provide diapers and food or do they? Do you bring extra clothes for the kiddo in case they get dirty? What all do you have to send with your kid each day? What do they do all day? Do the kids have set nap times? Do they get one on one attention? So many questions. I guess if I find a job, I can find all of this stuff out then.

- I need to paint my toenails. That is such a dumb thing to comment on but I have only painted them once this summer and I feel a lot more girly when I do. Maybe tomorrow.

- I decided to start adding weights to my workouts - I want to do weights on the days I don't run. We have quite a bit of weights and a weight bench in our basement so I have all of the equipment, I just need to get started on it. Waaaaaayyyy back in the day when I used to work out 6 days a week, I did weights and cardio almost every day. I was super strong and loved the way it felt to have muscles. I don't have much muscle anymore so I would like to get some again. More than anything, I just like feeling stronger and I want to feel like I can continue to lift my son as he gets bigger without it being a huge struggle!

- I have been really into buying stuff for X secondhand. Maybe that sounds terrible to buy your kid a bunch of used stuff, but especially with clothes, they go through them so fast that it almost seems silly to buy him brand new stuff and spend all that money for him to wear it three times and then outgrow it. With toys, as long as it's not broken or really dirty, he will never know the difference! I'm just not into buying stuff secondhand like car seats that expire or could have been in an accident without you knowing. Anyway, I have found some great footed sleepers, some nice winter clothes and a few pairs of shoes for X. The shoes are in great shape and cost about 1/4 or less of what you would pay brand new. I found a few cute sweaters for $2 or less, a few long sleeved shirts for $1 each and a winter coat for $5! I also found some snow bibs for $3!!! Yay! He will use them like 10 times maybe so I would much rather pay $3 than $15 or more! I am so excited about my secondhand finds for him - plus I am able to buy more for him with buying used than I would be able to buying new.

- Todd and I will have been married 5 years a week from today - can you belive that? It has gone so fast in some ways and slow in others. Mostly fast. We are going to go out to dinner and maybe to a movie. Todd's mom is going to babysit for us so that is great! I guess I should think of buying the hubs something, but I have no idea what to get him! Also, it's not like we have a lot of money right now so it will have to be something small.

- I better finish up here and make a to do list for tomorrow. I always tend to get more done when I make a to do list. I think I forget about so many things otherwise. Good night!

Monthly check up

Ok, so I am a little late (or a lot late if you want to say that) on this post.

My previous post here stated that I wanted to make goals each month, try to achieve them and then post about them after the month is over. I am just now getting around to my check up for the previous month and I also am late on posting my goals for this month.

Ok let's start with the previous goals. I will post the goals and the results first.

1. Lose 5 pounds. I have lost about 12 and need to lose a lot more but 5 is possible. I didn't lose 5, more like 1-2. I didn't weigh myself a ton the last month, but overall, I am down about 1-2 consistently. Not goal, but better than nothing, right?

2. Be to week 5 of couch to 5k by the end of the month. This shouldn't be too hard if I just stick with it. Made it! Yay! I am currently in week 6 - the last workout of week 6 is tomorrow.

3. Organize the hall closet. Sheets and blankets and pillowcases - oh my! So much stuff and so unorganized! Oh YEAH!!!! I totally did this too! The reason I needed to do this so bad is because due to my coupon obsession, we have a huge stockpile of razors, shampoo, toothpaste, shampoo shaving cream, etc. It looks great!

4. Apply for jobs. It is looking like I HAVE to get one so I need to work on this now. I have applied for more jobs but not as many as I should have. I applied for 6 last night and plan on applying for more soon.

5. Get Xander's 9 month pictures taken. Whew! Just got in under the wire on this one. We got these taken just a few days ago. Not in August, but they are done so that is good.

6. Start planning X's birthday party - it may seem like a ways off, but it will come SO fast! Oh, gosh. I haven't gotten very far yet. I have lots of thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head and I know for the most part what I am going to do but need to start writing down some ideas and ordering a few items online (since I can't get them locally).


Ok, now onto my goals for this month!

1. Lose 8 pounds. Lofty I know but I really need to lose more and Todd and I both want to work on this more so if we do it together, we will be more likely to succeed.

2. Find a job. Full time, part time, doesn't matter at this point. I just need one!

3. Organize the family room once and for all. It is always a mess and there are many things sitting around that I need to find a permanent home for. It won't always be perfectly clean because we have all of Xander's toys there but it could be a lot cleaner around the edges.

4. Run 25 minutes in a row without stopping at least 5 times. I am in week 6 of couch to 5k and tomorrow I am supposed to do my first 25 minute run. After that, every workout is pretty much a minimum of 25 minutes of running (in a row with no stopping). I don't know how well I will do with this but I sure am going to try!

5. Order some stuff for Xander's birthday party. I think I am going to order napkins and a few other decorations. We are going to do a Curious George theme so I am going to get a few items from the collection of party supplies.

6. Make a practice cake. I am going to try and make a very complicated cake for X's party and I need to buy some cake and frosting to make a practice cake. I am doing this so I can figure out what works and what doesn't so I don't mess it all up the day before his party.

7. Scrapbook more. I am SOOOOO far behind right now on X's scrapbook - I am not even done with month 5 yet and he is in his 10th month right now! Yikes! I need to order pictures to catch up. I would like to be to month 8 by the end of this month.

8. Have a rough layout for our Christmas card. I want to make our own Christmas cards this year. We are going to get a family picture taken for X's 1 year pictures (some family and some of just him) and we are going to order enough of the 4.5x5 pictures so I can use them for a Christmas card. I have a few ideas for this already but I want to get a better idea.

Should I change the name of my blog?

My title asks that question because it seems like all I have been writing about recently is my running (or jogging - whatever you want to call it). I am so into this whole Couch to 5k thing and I am excited about my progress so I feel like it is all I talk about. I mean, it's not the only thing I talk about when I have normal conversations with people but on here, it is easy to write about.

My life is pretty boring so when I do something other than play with my son all day, I want to write about it! I am just loving the way I feel now that I am running. I am super excited that I have made it as far as I have! Too bad I haven't lost any weight from it yet.

Today I ran 20 minutes straight with no stopping! I was sure towards the very end that I was going to die, but I made it! The first 10 minutes were not too bad but I didn't feel as good as I did the other day when I did two 8 minute runs. Anyway, towards about 14-15 minutes I was seriously wishing it was over with but I held on. I kept a steady speed all the way until the last 3 minutes when I slowed down a little. I was definitely just jogging at the very end and slowly at that, but I still did it! I was just amazed that my body was able to make it through! 20 minutes is more than double what I did before (8 was the longest I had gone) and I had only done the 8 minutes once!

The cool thing is, the next workout I do goes back to a combo of running and walking but the running periods are longer than they were before (but not longer than the 20 minutes). I am glad to have a little easier of a workout again. During the next two workouts, I am going to work on bumping up my speed since the runs will each be shorter. After 20 minutes, everything else will seem like cake I bet!

Here are my next 3 workouts:

Workout 1 of week 6 -

Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Workout 2 of week 6 -

Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)

Workout 3 of week 6 -

Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2-1/4 miles (or 25 minutes) with no walking.

25 minutes in a week? I don't know, 20 about killed me. But I think if I just keep going with the workouts, I will be able to do it.

So much better than I thought!

My run yesterday was so much better and easier than I thought it would be! My last post was me whining about how I was not sure if I could do it. I got on the treadmill, did my brisk 5 minute warm up walk and ran 8 minutes, walked 5 and ran 8 again! I didn't cheat at all - I ran at the same speed the whole 8 minutes both times and didn't have to stop at all! I was amazed!

When I got done with my first 8 minutes (when I started walking) I actually felt like I could have kept going! It was weird because I thought I would be dying by then but I really felt like I could have gone another 5 minutes if I had to!

I think if I tell myself in my mind how long I have to run, my mind knows not to let my body give up on me until I am done or at least getting close to the end. I started my 8 minute run and I still felt really good at 4 minutes and still at 5 and 6 and 7. When I got close to the end, I did feel tired, but not so tired that I couldn't have kept going. I think that is what I am going to have to do with my 20 minute run tomorrow.

Yes, you read that right - 20 minutes! I cannot believe I have to run 20 minutes straight without stopping! The funny thing is, I do give myself permission to fail tomorrow because 20 minutes is more than double the longest I have run at one time. I just ran 8 minutes in a row yesterday and that was the first time I had even done that! If I have to walk 1-2 minutes in the middle of the run, I am not going to beat myself up about it because that is tough stuff! I am not going to go into the run expecting to stop but if I feel I just have to, then I will. If I feel tomorrow like I did yesterday then I think I will be able to do it! I always get nervous when I have to do a more challenging workout the next day! I actually get a little feeling in my stomach but I think it actually helps me do better when I run! Wish me luck!

To continue or not?

I am not sure what to do about this whole couch to 5k thing. I am in week 5 but it has been three days since my last workout. It seems like whenever I get great momentum and start doing really well, something happens to throw me off.

During my first week 4 attempt, I hurt my hamstring really bad and took off 6 days so I repeated week 4. Now I am on the second workout of week 5 and have to run 8 minutes, walk 5 then run 8 again. This would be the first time I have run 8 minutes straight if I am able to do it.

I need to go workout right now but am trying to decide if I think I can continue this. I don't want to give up but the problem is, I just don't know if I am physically able to do this because I am overweight right now. It is a lot harder to run with extra weight on your body than if you are a normal weight or at least close to normal. I am not trying to make excuses but I am trying to be realistic about what my body can do.

I didn't start doing this workout plan to lose weight (although I need to badly) but I did it to prove to myself I can and to get my heart in better shape and also make a habit of working out. I know I have to eat a lot better to lose more weight but I thought this would move me in that direction. I haven't really been eating well so far in this plan so I wonder if that actually is making it harder on me.

I think for now, I am just going to keep trying and see how it goes. If I fail at my workout today (as in - not running the whole 8 minutes) I think I will just redo this workout in two days. I really want to get through this whole plan but that would mean in less than 4 weeks, I would be running 30 minutes without stopping. I just don't see that happening, but I guess I will have to wait and see.

Excuses, excuses

When it comes to me and working out, I find that it is so easy for me to find an excuse not to work out. I am sure that is true for a lot of people but it has always been the case for me.

I took several days off from my couch to 5k workouts because my hamstring was really sore. It was painful for about 4 days even though I was stretching it out a lot.

Tonight, I decided to get back into it and quit making excuses. I didn't quite do a week 4 workout (that is where I left off) and I did more than a week 3 workout. In other words, I ran a little less than a week 4 workout and a little more than a week 3 workout. I thought it was going to be super hard since I took about 6 days off, but it was easier than I thought! I feel really good after doing the workout and remember why I wanted to do this in the first place.

I am going to start doing a weights workout on my off days from running to build some muscle and tone my body more. I have always enjoyed weights and I am pretty strong. Plus, I don't find it near as hard as doing a cardio workout.

Anyway, no more excuses, unless I literally tear, pull or break something! I am going to finish the C25K workout if it kills me! I need to sign up for a 5k later this fall so it gives me something to look forward to and a reason to stick with it.

I have always wanted to be a runner and this is the first step in accomplishing that goal. I would like to be able to run for my workouts as I think it is one of the best cardio workouts you can do.

My week 4 is starting over on Wednesday and I will do the other two workouts Friday and Sunday and then week 5 will start Tuesday of next week and so on. I am excited to keep going with this and to see where it takes me!

My 16 minute run...

Well, the title might be a little bit misleading but I did run 16 minutes total in my workout today. Last week I was only at 9 minutes total of running for my workout but I skipped all the way to 16 minutes this week. That is what the workout says to do so it's not like I chose that much.

It was pretty hard but I knew it would be. The last 5 minute run, I thought I was going to die, but once I was done running, I felt really good! It was pretty sweet. I think I'm just amazed that I am already running this much because I have never been a runner at all! I am really curious to see if I can get all the way through this program and run 30 minutes straight at the end of it. That will be really tough but I am hoping I can make it!

Week 3 = Complete

I successfully completed week 3 of couch to 5k today. I am feeling pretty good about it. I thought my run/walk tonight was going to be terrible as I felt really tired before I started my workout. Surprisingly, the running part felt really easy and I felt like I could have gone longer! Before that workout, I was thinking I was going to have repeat week 3 as I didn't feel like the workouts had gone that well but after tonight, I think I am going to go on to week 4 on Tuesday.

I think even though I am not seeing a lot of physical changes in my body, I think my heart is already in better condition. I feel like each time I run, it gets easier. I love the feeling of not feeling so winded after 5 seconds of running. I was up to 3 minutes at a time this week and I think next week I have to do 5! That is nuts! In some ways I feel like I can do it and in some ways I feel like I can't.

I guess I will know in 2 days how it goes!

A few goals

So I decided to make a list of goals each month and post them here. I am a little late for this month but I wanted to list a few goals anyway. Every month I will list new goals and also how I did for the last month. I always have so many things I want to get done or accomplish and this is a way of being accountable.

Here are my August goals:

1. Lose 5 pounds. I have lost about 12 and need to lose a lot more but 5 is possible.

2. Be to week 5 of couch to 5k by the end of the month. This shouldn't be too hard if I just stick with it.

3. Organize the hall closet. Sheets and blankets and pillowcases - oh my! So much stuff and so unorganized!

4. Apply for jobs. It is looking like I HAVE to get one so I need to work on this now.

5. Get Xander's 9 month pictures taken.

6. Start planning X's birthday party - it may seem like a ways off, but it will come SO fast!

I think that is a good start - wish me luck!

Couch to 5k week 3

Tomorrow I start my first workout with week 3 of couch to 5k. I am a little nervous. The plan says that I have to run for 3 mintues straight! I have no idea how I am going to do. I feel a little like I will be able to do it but I kinda feel I might fail too. I think I am going to plan on doing it and if it is just too hard, I may do a lesser version of the workout or I may decide to repeat week 2 to allow my body more time to get in better shape.

This whole thing is a bit crazy to me. It has been a while since I have been in shape and I am not sure this is the right way to go about this, but it sounded like a fun challenge. For me, it is always better to have a goal in mind when I start out doing something, otherwise I tend to fail or not really go anywhere. I want to get in good cardio shape but I really want to lose weight too. Hopefully this is just a step in the right direction.