Well, it appears as though this stay at home mama is no more. I think I am going to have to go back to work full time and I am heartbroken to say the least. The bills just keep coming and our income isn't changing. The medical bills are what's killing us. Just when I think we are done getting them, they keep coming. I just got a bill for $160 for vaccines for Xander. Isn't that supposed to be covered under preventative care? What am I even paying for insurance for? To say I am angry is an understatement. I am pretty certain that my son is not getting any more vaccines or I am going to try to negotiate with the doctor's office a cheaper price since we simply cannot afford $160 every time he gets shots (which, this early in his life, are frequent). I thought Todd would have his own store by now and I am pretty upset that he doesn't. I can't really blame him but I am mad that his company more or less promised he would have his own store by now. I know our income won't change dramatically when he gets his own store, but that combined with selling our house and finding a cheaper one the next time around should help us out quite a bit.
I have cried and cried and cried some more over this and as I said before, I am completely heartbroken over it. All I ever wanted was to be a stay at home mom and I was so excited when I got to do it. We didn't prepare or save enough money and now we are paying the price. Actually, Xander is paying the price. He is no longer going to get constant attention and I cringe just thinking of how he could be ignored at day care. I know my child is not the first and certainly won't be the last kid to go to day care, but I wanted so much to keep from having to send him there. I feel like I have failed as a mom and we have failed as parents in general. I think I resent other people who get to stay home because we have had so much crap happen in our lives that has set us back more financially. Just my medication alone every month is over $100. A lot of people don't have that. We have had more problems with our cars (which aren't even old), unexpected bills everywhere and I just keep wondering, why us? I know most people have felt that way at least at some point in their life but I have just about had it.