Monday, September 21, 2009

Once Upon A Time...

Once upon a time....

-I was skinny!

-I wore a size 4/6!

-I wasn't embarrassed of my size every time I walked out the door.

-I worked out 6 days a week.

-I did cardio for an hour at a time.

-I did a full weight workout after each cardio session.

-I wore fitted clothes when I went to the gym and looked pretty good in them.

-I had so many choices of what to wear since everything looked pretty good on me.

-I was skinny but still thought I was fat then - I had no idea.

-My sister told me while I was wearing a bikini that I had nothing to be embarrassed about (since I was insecure wearing it).

-I ate very carefully and didn't indulge very often.

-I actually was at a weight some people might have been jealous of.

-I was called 'hot' by more than one guy. I know I shouldn't have cared about this then and still shouldn't now, but it was flattering.

Gone are those days. But oh, how I wish they were back. There are many things about my life at the time that I wouldn't want back, but the skinny body is something I would take. All I want is to feel good about myself - there hasn't been one day in the last 2-3 years that I looked in the mirror and liked everything I saw. Every once in a while, I will think my hair looks ok or my outfit is ok, but never the whole package.

Anyway, it is up to me to change how I look - no one else can do it for me. I have been doing good off and on with eating right and exercising, but I haven't been consistent since about June. My goals are as follows:
Lose 10 lbs by my birthday, 20 by Xander's birthday and 30 by Christmas. I guess if I even get to half of the 30 by Christmas I will be happy but I want to get all the way there. If I am going to get there, I had better get going!

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