Stressed!

I am one of those people that stresses themselves out too easily. Anyone that knows me knows this is true. I feel really stressed right now and I have to keep taking deep breaths just to feel normal.

I am still feeling a lot of pressure at work even though we are kind of slow right now. I took one test for work (a big one) a month and a half ago but I have another test coming up in a week and a half. This one should be easier but the problem is, I put off studying until now so now I am going to have to cram. I totally know that is my own fault.

I am also stressing about some other tests I have to take for work. They aren't as big of a deal as the one mentioned above but still, they are hanging over my head and I just want to get them done.

I am stressed about money. I guess that is a constant. We need to buy this or fix that or go here or do this and it all seems to cost money! It is funny because now that I am back at work, I think I am more stressed about money than I was before! Weird.

I started a new workout plan (P90X) and though it is going well so far, I am getting stressed about it. Not really stressed but almost anxious. I am ready for results, though they won't come for a while. I am thinking about the future on this program - it is 90 days long and I am only on day 3. I keep wondering if I will be able to do it and if so, how well will I do and what will I look like after I'm done? I wonder what will be next for me as far as workouts go if I can complete it. I can do it over again (which I should) and hopefully get in even better shape. I have also started to think more about my health regarding this. Am I pushing myself too hard? How will this all work out as far as my diabetes is concerned and how can I eat the right things and give myself the right amount of insulin so my body recovers well and I get the most out of it? See? I think about way too many things.

I am stressing a little bit about a friendship and I won't go into it too much. I am starting to feel like the effort is all one sided and it's making me very sad and resentful.

I stress myself out easily with the future - what will happen, where will we end up, what will become of both of us? It's a lot to think about and most of it is fruitless. I just can think and think and think about a million different scenarios for so many things.

There's even more but I will quit for now as I am sure this is quite boring for people to read who aren't living it. I realize everyone has their own stress and most people probably handle it better than me! Hopefully the working out long term thing will help with stress.

New stuff!

We have just been on a shopping spree recently! Well, kinda. Most of it was stuff we needed and only a few things we didn't.

Here are some of our new purchases!

Coffee table - we sold ours on the garage sale because it was glass and our little man was always getting it dirty. We sold the end tables too but we haven't bought those yet.



(We thought the coffee table was black and most of it looks black in the picture, however, the drawer on the side that comes out kinda weird makes it look like it is much lighter wood but it is just the inside)



Kitchen table and chairs. It is a high top table which was not my first choice but Todd really wanted it. Also, we had a glass kitchen table like the coffee table and were tired of the fingerprints.





Lens and flash for our camera. We already had a decent camera (Nikon D40) but we wanted to upgrade our lens and flash to be able to take great pictures. We have already tried them out and love them so far - I think this will help with my wanna be photographer hobby. I like to take pics but they only turned out ok before.



(Just the lens, the flash is kinda boring)


Basketball hoop for X. Ok, this one is silly but I thought I would throw it in there cause it is cute! Daddy got it for him. Still a little small for it but he will grow into it I think!







Crib for Xander. This was not by choice - the one we had was recalled. Though we don't have it at home yet, we ordered this one online and it should be here in a week or so. Putting it together will not be fun but you do what you gotta do! I think it is nice looking though and we actually saved some money over the original one we got him!

(This is just the stock photo from the website.)

I suppose that is about all! We got a new car a month and a half ago but that is kinda old news now! Although it does still maintain that 'new car smell' which I adore and I hope it does for a while!

June photo contest

I did one of these a while ago and ever since then, I have wanted to do another but just haven't found the time or have forgotten! I think Todd and I are going to try and do this together.

We just got a new lens and flash for our camera and it takes way better pictures so I am hoping we can come up with some good ones for this!

1. Hilarious Out-Takes
2. Creative Crop
3. Sun Flare
4. Sweet Dreams
5. Work
6. Play
7. Cookout/Picnic
8. Transportation
9. Money/Currency
10. A Fountain
11. A Night Scene
12. B&W with Selective Coloring
13. Something Old
14. Something New
15. Something Borrowed
16. Something Blue
17. Something Musical
18. Something Purple
19. Something Yellow
20. Something Scenic

The long weekend

So glad to have a long weekend - haven't had one in a while and haven't had an extra day off in almost four months! Trying to enjoy this day as much as possible!

This is what I (we) have done so far this weekend.

Had a garage sale Friday and Saturday - went well! Sold some big items so that brought our sales total up quite a bit.

After the garage sale, got showered and ready and went to dinner with the hubs and kiddo then went to NFM to look at a new kitchen table and coffee table and end tables since we sold all of that on the garage sale (wanted to get rid of as it was all glass and that doesn't work so well with a toddler who gets his grubby little hands on everything and makes a huge mess!) I think we found our kitchen table for sure and are pretty sure of the coffee table. The end tables are another story. We like this one coffee table but the end tables that match are so expensive! We were thinking of getting the coffee table (black wood) and finding some cheaper end tables somewhere else that are cheaper but match good enough (heck, they aren't right next to each other so as long as they are close).

Was lazy most of yesterday. Didn't do hardly a thing - didn't shower til 9 pm - haha!

Today so far I have gotten just a few things done but have a long list in my head that I am going to start working on soon. I got the dishwasher emptied (still need to reload) and got the kiddos bedding changed since he decided to pee through his diaper and onto his clothes overnight. Changed the changing pad cover as that was dirty too. Otherwise, not much done so far but here is the list for the rest of the day.

Reload dishwasher
Clean up toys in living room (the never ending job :)
Wash X's laundry
3 loads of our laundry
Start working on leftover piles of stuff from garage sale - sort it all
Clean up our bedroom - piles of clothes everywhere
Make a Target and Walmart run for a few things
Repaint my toenails (I have been lazy on this one and it is summer - need to keep up)
Give the X-man a bath (has become a chore as of late - he is suddenly scared of the tub even though nothing really happened to him)
Do some work from home - probably will only take a half hour
Wash George for Xander (if you don't know the story - Curious George is Xander's lovey and best friend - goes everywhere with him and he uses him as a pillow at night - therefore snot/slobber/drool/food gets all over him and he is gross! need to hand wash him which will take a while)
Vacuum
Clip the dogs nails
Etc, etc, etc


The list is never ending really, especially with a kid and a dog


Hope everyone else is having a fun weekend!

New blog design

What do you think?

I was getting sick of the last one and thought I would go with something new. I know there are way better layouts out there but for a basic free one I thought this would work for now. Eventually I think I will try to do a nicer fancier layout than this one but for now I don't really have the time.

Works for me!

Crisis Averted

In regards to my last post, the thing I thought was so difficult turned out ok. I kinda hoped it would but didn't know for sure. I am glad it is over and things turned out well. A few small things in our life will change soon but I think for the better and I am happy with what is going to happen and content.

It's funny how you can worry about so many things in life and most of them turn out ok. I am also more of a worrier than some other people so bad situations are worse for me.

I am excited for this week because we are cleaning up the house and getting ready for a garage sale. I am so excited to get rid of a bunch of junk! We are having the garage sale on Friday and Saturday and I am hoping to sell a bunch of crap to get it out of the house. I think I will donate most of the rest of the stuff we don't sell. Todd is going to do the garage sale on Friday with his parents and he and I will do it together on Saturday. On Sunday, Todd is going to KC to help his sister out with her house. Originally I was going to go to with Xander but I think we are going to stay behind. Also, I get next Monday off from work - can't beat that! I love holidays!

After we have our garage sale, I am looking forward to organizing the house a little better since we always seem to have junk sitting around. We have lived in our house almost 5 years and I feel like we have never really gotten our house organized. I wish I could get it clean and organized once and for all!

My kiddo has his 18 month appointment on Wednesday. I can't believe he is already a year and a half! It seems like he just turned 1! Crazy!

I have to figure out a good workout plan because my brothers wedding is in 4 months! I can't even believe that. I just don't want to be so fat when the wedding rolls around. I know it is going to come fast and I will have to work hard to lose weight. Time to get to work. I have lost a few so that is good but have a lot more to lose.

I have been bad at blogging lately cause I just feel like I have been so busy. Plus my life is boring and I don't feel like I have much interesting to write about.

Glad tomorrow is not Monday. Not that today was bad. It just means I won't be as tired and that the weekend is closer!

Why? Why? Why???

Why do some things in life have to be so difficult? That is obviously a rhetorical question and I don't expect an answer.

But for real. I don't get it. I wish some things were just easier. I wish some situations didn't have to be so difficult. No matter how you spin them, some things just stink and are no fun at all.

Open Letters

It is about that time. Open letters are great. I wish I had the guts to really send them.

**Please note, these truly are meant to be silly and funny, not serious, so please don't take them too literally!**

Here goes.

Dear Diabetes,

You suck! Why did you choose me? It's not like I chose a poor lifestyle and got very large and only ate crap food when you decided to bestow on me your everlasting gift! Give it up already and let yourself be cured! I would love to never see or hear from you again!

Hating you daily,

Sarah



Dear not very smart dude in a different department at work,

Why do you and the other not very smart dude in your department send me these dumb emails? You decided that since I took over a certain process, suddenly it is not good enough even though it was good enough for MONTHS before I took it over. Why me? Why change it now? You are not very nice and make me feel like an idiot and as if I am doing something wrong, when if you fact you are the idiot(s). If you want the process changed, take it up with my manager.

Much respect,

Sarah V.





Dear super mean, unfriendly manager of the not very smart dude who emails me,

You are even worse! What is your problem and how did you even get that job? You have no people skills, are rude beyond measure and should go live in a cave. And your hair is ugly.

Also much respect,

Sarah V.

**Update - since I first typed out that open letter above - that manager is no longer with the company! Guess I wasn't the only one who thought those things about her!**

Dear rep who talked to me more than three months ago,

I am not your personal assistant. Quit calling me direct! I don't even work in the same department that I used to so you need to call them for help. I will continue to ignore you until you get the hint. I realize what I am doing is not the best customer service, but you will never learn otherwise.

Sincerely,

S



Dear silly people in my old department who keep transferring the rep to me,

DO YOUR JOB! Quit transferring someone who you know you can help just because you are lazy. When I worked there, I'll be darned if I tried to pawn off someone that I knew I could help onto someone else. That is one of the first things they teach you - always offer to help before transferring. Apparently that rule doesn't apply to you two. Oh and ps, to the dumb guy in your same department who GAVE OUT MY EMAIL without asking me first, that is rude and unacceptable!!!

Always,

Sarah



Dear cashier at (insert any store here),

Why do you look at me like I am a criminal when I hand you a stack of coupons? Since when is it a crime to want to save some dough? Also, why do you give me the most evil stare when I politely mention you skipped one of my coupons? I should be the one glaring at you since I gave you the coupon and you didn't scan it. I am not a bad person and I am not trying to annoy you. I just want to save money. Is that so bad? In fact, I try to make it as easy on you as possible by lining up my coupons and being organized and fast so people behind me in line don't get annoyed. Why do you still treat me like dirt? It hurts my feelings so you should stop.



Yours through thick and thin,

SV

Dear lovely people who drink coffee at work,

If you drink coffee, MAKE MORE WHEN IT'S GONE! I swear I am the only person who makes it as it is ALWAYS out when I want some. Grrrrrr.

Love,

Sarah

Random Tuesday Thoughts - I got the day right finally!

- HA! Notice the title! I had most of this post typed out and ready to go on Tuesday but never got it posted. Such is my life recently! It took me two days to finally get it posted. Sad.


- The random tuesday thoughts really works for me because I am kind of a random person anyway and my brain skips from one thought to another to another.

- I am so happy with my job I almost feel guilty. I feel like ..... I wonder if other people love their job as much as I do and why do I get to be the lucky one who has a job they love and get paid well too? I guess I shouldn't feel guilty at all....I have had enough crappy jobs in my time, it's high time that I have a job I love!

- That said, it can be overwhelming at times. It feels like I just learned all of my job functions and they keep giving me more and more to do. That is good and bad. Good because it keeps me busy so I don't get bored and it means they trust me to do more. It's bad because it stresses me out since I am worrying that I may not be able to get everything done that they give me to do.

- I took my series 24 test and I was studying every night for a few weeks before I took the test so it is almost like I was working every waking hour for that time period since taking the test is work related. I just got my book for my series 66 and I will probably take the test in about 3-4 weeks so there is more work related stuff I have to do on my personal time.

- I have these tests that I need to take also for work but they aren't like the ones I am studying for outside of work. They are just short quizzes you take after reading the material and you do it all online. I have to do those test which are department specific, then I am also doing some company specific tests. I have taken a few classroom courses recently, then I have to take a comprehensive exam in a few weeks. Are we sensing a theme here? Tests and tests and more tests. Bleh. I actually don't mind them but since I am trying to do all of these things at once, they are stressing me out.

- I am also having issues with my weight. I have lost about 10 pounds in the last few weeks but I have so much more I would like to lose. I am starting to feel the crunch - my brothers wedding is in four months and I don't want to be the fattest person there and I don't want to ruin his family pictures by being the fat family member. Pretty much the rest of my side of the family is normal to skinny in size and I am not. I know that is a reasonable goal - I mean I can't (and shouldn't) lose as much weight as I want in four months, but I know it is reasonable to lose some. If I lose 20 more pounds I will be very happy. I actually would like to lose more like 30 by his wedding but we will see.

- I need a vacation!!!! We haven't been anywhere lately and I am pretty upset about it. I am not expecting a super nice fancy vacation, but I just want to get away! We never go anywhere or do anything and I hate it.

- I also continue to wonder/think about where we will end up. Not knowing kills me. I am a planner. I need to know ahead of time what is going to happen because I hate being forced to make quick decisions as I usually make the wrong ones if pressed for time.

- I am starting to wonder if one kid is all we will have and I will end up being career driven. I never wanted to be that or had any drive to, but since I had to go back to work and actually ended up with a job I love, it starts making me think that maybe I can keep working my way up and ending up with a great paying job.

- I sometimes wonder how other people see me. Do they think I am nice, smart, stupid, ditzy, mean, loud, annoying, cheerful?? I try not to care too much but recently I have been thinking a lot about that. Also, I wonder if I am a good friend. That is hard to know. I supposed your friends will either tell you if they have a problem with you or they will start acting different towards you. I dunno.

- I am having a problem right now with a dilemma in my life and I don't think I am dealing with it very well. I don't want to get into it too much but I am really torn and have even cried about it a little bit because it is stressing me out quite a bit. If I do this thing that I think I need to do, I have a feeling it will hurt someones feelings and though I don't want to do that, in some ways I feel like it is the only option and there is a very good reason for me needing to do it. Time will tell but I am hoping to make a decision soon.

-I am going to be writing some open letters soon as there are just a few things that really need to be said! Besides, who doesn't love open letters right?

- Looking forward to the weekend even though I do love my job. I am going to try and get more sleep this weekend so I can feel more rested and less stressed. Sounds like we might be indoors most weekend as it is supposed to rain most of the time. I think I will be getting groceries tomorrow night too so I can not have to fight the weekend crowds and so I miss the rain!

-My house is a mess. It is always a mess. And I am not sure I care.

-My kiddo is so cute! I will always say this - I know I am so biased but that's ok. I know I am! But I still think X is cute! And he's pretty sweet too so that doesn't hurt! :)

-I think I am going to try to get to bed early tonight since tomorrow will be a stessful day at work - lots to do. Goodnight!

My Thursday random thoughts

Ok so I always miss the "Tuesday Randoms" post (or most of the time) so I just pick a day and write about random things. You see, that is the way I am most of the time (random) so I guess it works for me!

Did you know that May 4th is the unofficial (or maybe official - who knows) Star Wars day? Here is the reason - "May the 4th be with you". Hahahahaha! I hadn't heard that one until recently and many others are probably thinking, 'I've seen that a million times'. Maybe I have been hiding under a rock.

We decided to buy some new electronic gear - we got a new printer, a blue ray dvd player and a computer all within about a week. We got the printer because we wanted a wireless one and also, this new one is a scanner, copier and fax machine also (though we will probably never fax) and the one we had before was literally just a printer and had to be plugged into your computer to print. We got an amazing deal on it. Todd has always wanted a blue ray player too so when we found an amazing deal on one of those too, we got it. And last but not least, the computer. We only had two laptops that worked and we really wanted a regular ol' desk top, so we got one. Also feel like we really got a great deal.

This week has pretty much gone faster than any other in my life I swear. Work has been nuts and I have had something going on almost every night this week (of my own doing). I cannot believe tomorrow is Friday, but I am ready for the weekend for sure! I have a million and one things on my to do list and not sure when I will get them done. I feel like I have barely seen my kiddo this week even though the amount of time I have seen him is pretty much the same as always.

I am starting to really think hard about my job. I think the company I work for has a lot of great jobs and I think I have a chance to do really well there and move up with a lot of hard work. I just got my series 24 and my boss ordered my next book - the 66. After I am done with the 66 (hopefully in another month to month and a half) I will take either the Series 4 or 53. I will probably take both but not sure in what order yet. I think the more licenses I get, the better. Of course this will all be irrelevant if we end up moving.

I am coming to the realization that I will have very little time out in the sun this summer so I am thinking of breaking down and buying a tanning package. I know it is so bad for me, but I just don't know how much I care. I hate being so, so, so white. I swear having a tan makes you look thinner too! I need that big time!

I need to re-paint my toenails. I know no one cares about that at all but I do!

I love folding Xander's laundry! He has such cute, tiny things and they smell so good! I wish doing my own laundry was that much fun.

I have been sleeping like crap recently. I don't know why and I can't seem to get myself to have a good night sleep no matter what I do. I feel like this has been going on about two weeks. Man, I am going to need a sleeping pill soon!

I am no angel and am not perfect by any means, but I just cannot stand people who think they are right about everything or know everything. Self-righteous people just plain bug me. I just don't understand why some people always have a certain 'tone'. Almost like they are always condescending and think they are better or know far more than you. Grrrrrr.

Happy Thursday, almost Friday and happy weekend! Can't wait!

Finally back!

Well it is official! I am now a registered principal! And no, not for a school! :)

I took and passed my Series 24 exam today. You have to get a 70% or better to pass and I got a 76%. Not a great score, but since there is no difference if you get a 70 or a 90, I am happy! So much studying - I would have been pretty mad if I didn't pass! I did have to pass this test for work so if I didn't pass this time I would have had to take it again. I also get a raise for getting it so that is great!

I am been very absent from posting because all I have done most nights for the last week and a half is study! My poor kiddo got very little mommy time because I had to study so much. Now I have a whole long list of things I want to do since the test is over and I have my free time back! I could go on and on with a long list but I will just mention the few things I really want to do.

1. Start working out a lot.
2. Work on X's scrapbook.
3. Get stuff ready for a garage sale.
4. Spend time with my baby and hubby.
5. Make a budget for our house.

Those are the main goals I have over the next few weeks and after all of that studying, I feel like most of those should be no problem.

Happy Friday!

Where have I been?

Studying, that's where (or what I guess)!

A week from tomorrow I have to take my Series 24 test for work and I have been studying like mad recently and that is why I haven't posted in over a week! I am getting nervous and worried I won't pass, but I am sure if I keep studying at the rate I have and don't let up that I will pass. I have to get a 70% on the test to pass which may not seem that hard, but 3 of the other 5 people I work with in my department all failed the test at least once and they are all smart. Yikes!

Tonight we went to dinner and buffalo wild wings for some boneless wings and to watch the NFL draft and to see Suh get jipped out of the first pick overall. Oh, well, he was still the second pick in the first round and he still rocks and will make a huge impact on the Lions I think. He rocks!

I bought Xander this super cute little kids shopping cart off of Craigslist for $5. That was $5 well spent! He loves it and has been pushing it around everywhere!

I am ready for the weekend. Even though I have to study. A ton. It will be nice to sleep in a little bit and relax too.

We got a new car last week. I will have to post some pics of it soon too. It is a Subaru Impreza Outback Sport. It is pretty sharp looking and is fun to drive. We are splitting the time taking it to work as to not rack up too many miles on it. Todd drives more than twice the distance I do to work everyday so I am driving it sometimes even though it is sorta 'his' car.

Hopefully I will be around more once this test is done with next Friday! I guess it won't be done with if I don't pass because I will have to take it again a month later. Good luck to me!

Bike ride

We went on our first bike ride of the season last night. It wasn't great though because the bike I was using had a leak in the tire so it was mostly flat after not too long. Also, I am so out of shape that the bike ride was super hard but good since I need to work out more. Xander rode behind in the new (used) bike trailer we got for him. He seemed to enjoy it! Here are a few pics -


Ok, so this one is not from the bike ride but right after, playing in the garage.

Sorry, you don't see his face much with this one.

After the bike ride, he climbed back in the trailer.

Daddy was pulling him around.

More juice with George in the trailer.

Lots of randoms

Gosh I have been a bad blogger lately - not that very many people read it anyway and are holding their breath! :)

This last week has flown by and it's crazy to me that it is Saturday night. I have a million things to write about floating around in my head and I am hoping to get them all out and get a good night sleep tonight.

Xander had his first hair cut today! I can't believe it took 16 1/2 months, but we finally did it. I was a little nervous but it turned out great and out little guy looks handsome! I thought he might lose some of his curls when we cut it but he didn't. I think the top will actually curl up a little more because it is shorter now.



Getting his hair wet to cut.

He doesn't look too happy here.

All done! He looks like such a big boy!

He didn't squirm or fuss pretty much the whole time!

Got a chance to play with the sprayer bottle.

I also had a bad mom moment today - when I took Xander to get his hair cut today, we were walking back to daddy's office (I took him to Penney's salon and we saw daddy while we were there) and there was a door I had to hold open for him and I let it go a little too soon - WHACK! Right on his forehead the door hit him. He just made a little grunt and kept walking! I can't believe he didn't scream or even cry a little! It had to hurt because it left a decent sized red mark! Sorry baby!

Xander is a teething machine as I have previously stated. He has 12 teeth all the way in, the 13th is pretty much all the way through and I see the 14th! Overall he hasn't been too crabby but he has his moments.

I learned a lesson today regarding my frugal ways. I am pretty much a bargain shopper almost all of the time. I never buy anything full price and refuse to buy most things on a 'normal sale'. I pretty much have to have mega clearance or the lowest sale price to buy something when it comes to groceries and clothes and household items. So I was shopping at Sam's club (warehouse where you purchase items in bulk) and I got quite a few things to stock up. I was walking down one of the aisles and noticed the bulk shredded cheese. I looked at the price and at first glance though, 'I can get it cheaper at regular stores with a sale and/or coupons'. Uh, after re-calculating, I realized I was WRONG! What? I have learned a lot about couponing and bargain shopping in the last year and a half and realized that for about 95% of the things I buy, I can get it as cheap of cheaper at the regular stores with coupons and sales. Anyway, the 5 pound bag of cheddar cheese was $8.50 or somewhere right around there. I started thinking that was a terrible price until I realized the VERY cheapest I can get shredded cheese is $2/pound. Most normal bags of cheese are 8 ounces and the bottom dollar price you can get them is usually $1. So in order to get a pound of cheese, you have to get 2 bags. That is $2 then and for 5 pounds that would be $10! And that is pretty much the best price I have gotten cheese ever! I guess maybe once or twice I got 8 ounces for $0.50 but that is very rare and the coupons rarely line up with those mega sales so again, that is rare! Either way, I learned a lesson to double check some of the things that I thought were cheaper at the regular store. I did find out too that at least right now there milk is the cheapest in town if you don't mind buying generic.

And on yet another random note, I took a picture of the bush that is in our front yard. I like it but I hate it. It blooms once and the flowers literally last a week, fall off and don't return for a whole year. Ugh. I get to enjoy it for about 2 days and then not again for a year. Boooo. Who's idea was it to put that bush in our front yard? Not ours!

I am doing pretty good at growing my hair out for now. I have a hair appointment next week and am going to get some fresh color and just a tiny trim to keep my hair looking good but I don't want to lose any length. I am curious to see how long I can let it get.

No progress on the diet/exercise/lifestyle change yet. This week is the week though. I have already prepared myself mentally and now I bought a bunch of healthy food to eat this week so I will hopefully have a good start.

We are looking at getting a new car to replace the Jeep. The Jeep gets terrible gas mileage and the payment is more than the few cars we are looking at. Even if the insurance went up a little bit, we would still be saving a lot of money each month so this is looking like a win-win!

I am ready to have a garage sale! We have so much junk around the house that we could stand to get rid of.

Lastly, I will have to also post some pics from Easter last weekend. Maybe sometime this week!

Ready for change

I am ready. Ready for some changes.

It has been a long time coming. But I really am ready now. I am ready to lose my weight once and for all. I am starting today.

I don't have a gym membership and I don't need one.

I have a treadmill and weights and some workout videos and a neighborhood to walk in. I have my own body which can do a lot without any equipment.

I haven't figured it all out yet but I have needed to make this decision for a long time. I don't have an exact plan but this weekend I am figuring it out. I have made a few little efforts here and there in the last year but nothing firm and nothing serious. It is time.

There are a few things that motivate me.

I don't want my son to grow up with a 'fat' mom. It's not that I just don't want him to see me fat. I also really want to be able to play with him and do the things he wants to do as he gets older. I don't care if that sounds cliche. I want to be able to keep up with him.

I don't like looking in the mirror. Ever. I want to like what I see at least most of the time.

I don't have any clothes that fit well except maternity clothes. I admit it.

I am not healthy and I have no energy. I want to feel alive and energetic!

I need to lose 60 pounds. I admit it. I think I would be considered a healthy weight if I lost about 40 but even that is sad to say that I have that much weight to lose.

I avoid pictures at all costs. I don't want a bunch of pictures of me at this weight floating around. How sad is that? I don't even want family pictures with my kid and husband because I am afraid of how terrible I will look! Horrible.

I need to take better care of myself because of my diabetes. I have to take it more seriously once and for all. I don't want to have long term problems because I'm not taking care of myself now.

It is time to feel good about myself and feel normal.

Once I figure out what I am doing I will write about it. I have a few ideas of what I am going to do but will decide that soon.

More to come.